Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Snoring -what to do?

You know what I like to do at 1:30 in the morning when I've been woken up by my husbands loud snores and can't get back to sleep?

I like to look back on my marriage.

Sure I'm looking back through tired eyes but I'm not signing anything so I'm ok with it. If my husband were awake instead of in a loud, deep, slumber, I like to think he'd be ok with it too.

In looking back, I can report that my marriage has had its ups and downs and I've come to realize that what seemed to be big problems in the beginning of the relationship pale in comparison to steady growth of problems through the years, more like stages, if you will. Nothing to send us to divorce court over but if you're paired up with a partner I'm sure you'll be able to relate.

Once two people decide that they are going to mix their single lives into couplehood then problems are to be expected, just beginner problems, or, as I like to refer to them, freshman problems. These are typically battles that, at the time, may have even seemed like deal breakers. The bathroom issues alone should be addressed before any couple even decides to hop in the sack together, let alone share an address. For starters, razor stubble in the sink and why it can never be swipped clean. Also determining how exactly you'll be sharing the toothpaste. Is he a "squeeze from the middle" or "roll up from the bottom" kind of guy. Discussing "peeing privacy" is an important one to cover unless you're not bothered by the sound of urine hitting the water while you're putting on your face. Should your toilet paper be hung over or under and the wet towels debate...hung up or thrown in the laundry basket, of course that's assuming that your dude knows how to use a laundry basket.

You're likely to realize that the freshman problems are pretty simple to fix, two sink minimum in the bathroom and a second tube of toothpaste make for easy answers. The toilet paper roll goes on in whatever position it happens to be in when it's snapped in to place and the actual potty is only to be used to sit and gab on unless you're in there alone. Pretty simple, right? You've graduated to your next set of problems.

Sophmore problems develop after a couple of years of marriage. By now you've got your bathroom issues worked out and have probably already agreed on whether you are dog or cat people. Now it's time to start growing up and looking at careers and where you're going to be in five years. The baby discussion will start and it will be time to start thinking about your first home. Try to resist keeping up with the Joneses, it will do a world of good and help you lessen the amount of junior problems which will include money.

When you arrive into your 40's the Junior problems start popping up all over the place. If you failed doing your own thing, at your own pace and decided that you did have to keep up with the Joneses then a major part of the junior problems will have to do with money, or lack thereof. It's time to start thinking about paying for braces and adding to the college fund. The baby you feel like you just had is begging you for an $80 a month cell phone and talking about what kind of car they want to get. And, the scariest of the junior problems is the reversal of parent/child roles with your parents. Suddenly you're taking care of the very people who you've counted on your whole life to take care of you.

Senior problems haven't happened yet but they'll start right after you get the first notification from AARP. They may as well send you a letter that says "YOU ARE OLD!" Try to look at it not as a gauge of where you in the life timeline but more as the start of discounts for partically everything you do! Hopefully you'll be blessed with grandchildren that you can spoil the way you wanted to spoil your own children but wouldn't dare for fear they'd turn out to be spoiled brats! With grandchildren it's not your problem to worry about, so spoil away!

But why bring this all up anyway, you ask? I know no one is commenting on my posts but I have to believe that SOMEONE is out there reading it or this would be like talking to myself.....

The reason I bring it up is because no matter what stage in life you are at, no matter what age, if you have a partner that snores you have a LIFETIME problem and are probably up with me right now thinking about ways to explain to your kids that althougth the last 20 years have been wonderful with daddy, and he is a great man and a wonderful father, that he's got to go. Out. Somewhere else. Or at least at night anyway. Maybe put him out with that cat. Unless you've decided long ago that you were dog people.

Your friends will be baffled.

"They were such a wonderful couple. I don't think I have ever seen them argue!"

"I know, I know, it's a real shame."

"Was it an affair? Did someone cheat?"

"No, no one else."

"Oh, he was a deadbeat, lost his job?"

"Oh, no, good worker, hard worker."

"Then what could possibly end a 20 year happy marriage?"

"Man snored like he was cutting up wood to store for the winter."

"Oh, well, there you go."

Now, I'll go back to the guest bed and try to fall back to sleep. Both dogs have stretched out so that I'll have to twist and turn my body to get it to fit between them.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll ask my husband to sleep downstairs tomorrow. Or out in the car.

Goodnight sweet world. I wish you sweet dreams and a quiet partner.

*on a side note you can find my store and my book series information at


Sharon said...

Your blog is off to a good start! I related to this post because my Mr. Cha Cha snores loudly, especially on nights after going out dancing, and we dance a lot.

We've been together 15 years and I've tried everything to drown out the noise. One night in our first year together I even went down to the garage to sleep in my car for a while.

What works great are Mack's ear plugs! A lot of nights I couldn't sleep without them.

I enjoy your writing style and will follow you to see where you're headed. Stop by my blog if you get a chance.


Wheezies said...

OMG, an actual person has stopped by, will wonders never cease! You don't know it but I'm doing a happy dance right her at my computer! Thank you Sharon, I'm hoping over to your blog right now to show you that a person is there for you too! (how embarrassed I'll be when I see how many followers you've already got but I'll try to control my envy....)
P.S. I haven't figured it all out yet but I will eventually! Thanks for making my day:)