Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Snoring -what to do?

You know what I like to do at 1:30 in the morning when I've been woken up by my husbands loud snores and can't get back to sleep?

I like to look back on my marriage.

Sure I'm looking back through tired eyes but I'm not signing anything so I'm ok with it. If my husband were awake instead of in a loud, deep, slumber, I like to think he'd be ok with it too.

In looking back, I can report that my marriage has had its ups and downs and I've come to realize that what seemed to be big problems in the beginning of the relationship pale in comparison to steady growth of problems through the years, more like stages, if you will. Nothing to send us to divorce court over but if you're paired up with a partner I'm sure you'll be able to relate.

Once two people decide that they are going to mix their single lives into couplehood then problems are to be expected, just beginner problems, or, as I like to refer to them, freshman problems. These are typically battles that, at the time, may have even seemed like deal breakers. The bathroom issues alone should be addressed before any couple even decides to hop in the sack together, let alone share an address. For starters, razor stubble in the sink and why it can never be swipped clean. Also determining how exactly you'll be sharing the toothpaste. Is he a "squeeze from the middle" or "roll up from the bottom" kind of guy. Discussing "peeing privacy" is an important one to cover unless you're not bothered by the sound of urine hitting the water while you're putting on your face. Should your toilet paper be hung over or under and the wet towels debate...hung up or thrown in the laundry basket, of course that's assuming that your dude knows how to use a laundry basket.

You're likely to realize that the freshman problems are pretty simple to fix, two sink minimum in the bathroom and a second tube of toothpaste make for easy answers. The toilet paper roll goes on in whatever position it happens to be in when it's snapped in to place and the actual potty is only to be used to sit and gab on unless you're in there alone. Pretty simple, right? You've graduated to your next set of problems.

Sophmore problems develop after a couple of years of marriage. By now you've got your bathroom issues worked out and have probably already agreed on whether you are dog or cat people. Now it's time to start growing up and looking at careers and where you're going to be in five years. The baby discussion will start and it will be time to start thinking about your first home. Try to resist keeping up with the Joneses, it will do a world of good and help you lessen the amount of junior problems which will include money.

When you arrive into your 40's the Junior problems start popping up all over the place. If you failed doing your own thing, at your own pace and decided that you did have to keep up with the Joneses then a major part of the junior problems will have to do with money, or lack thereof. It's time to start thinking about paying for braces and adding to the college fund. The baby you feel like you just had is begging you for an $80 a month cell phone and talking about what kind of car they want to get. And, the scariest of the junior problems is the reversal of parent/child roles with your parents. Suddenly you're taking care of the very people who you've counted on your whole life to take care of you.

Senior problems haven't happened yet but they'll start right after you get the first notification from AARP. They may as well send you a letter that says "YOU ARE OLD!" Try to look at it not as a gauge of where you in the life timeline but more as the start of discounts for partically everything you do! Hopefully you'll be blessed with grandchildren that you can spoil the way you wanted to spoil your own children but wouldn't dare for fear they'd turn out to be spoiled brats! With grandchildren it's not your problem to worry about, so spoil away!

But why bring this all up anyway, you ask? I know no one is commenting on my posts but I have to believe that SOMEONE is out there reading it or this would be like talking to myself.....

The reason I bring it up is because no matter what stage in life you are at, no matter what age, if you have a partner that snores you have a LIFETIME problem and are probably up with me right now thinking about ways to explain to your kids that althougth the last 20 years have been wonderful with daddy, and he is a great man and a wonderful father, that he's got to go. Out. Somewhere else. Or at least at night anyway. Maybe put him out with that cat. Unless you've decided long ago that you were dog people.

Your friends will be baffled.

"They were such a wonderful couple. I don't think I have ever seen them argue!"

"I know, I know, it's a real shame."

"Was it an affair? Did someone cheat?"

"No, no one else."

"Oh, he was a deadbeat, lost his job?"

"Oh, no, good worker, hard worker."

"Then what could possibly end a 20 year happy marriage?"

"Man snored like he was cutting up wood to store for the winter."

"Oh, well, there you go."

Now, I'll go back to the guest bed and try to fall back to sleep. Both dogs have stretched out so that I'll have to twist and turn my body to get it to fit between them.

Perhaps tomorrow I'll ask my husband to sleep downstairs tomorrow. Or out in the car.

Goodnight sweet world. I wish you sweet dreams and a quiet partner.

*on a side note you can find my store and my book series information at

Saturday, June 19, 2010

911 Calls just for giggles

Stumbled across this and thought I'd share it. (click on the "911 Calls just for giggles" to get the video)

I'll be working on this today as well as writing about Joanie! The second book is coming:) http://www.wheezies.com/

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Putting Text on Pictures - I actually did it, amazing!

Well, will wonders never cease! I actually figured out how to get text on my pictures! Amazing! Let's see if I can teach you to do it too, then we'll all be amazing....

Ok, step one....hire a computer guy.....

1. ok, seriously, step one, go to Adobe Photoshop 5

2. Select which picture you want to work on from the drop down menu of whatever file you keep your pictures in. My pictures are in "my pictures" (I try to keep things simple around here....) to get to "my pictures" I have to go down to the bottom left corner of my computer and click on "start" which brings up a menu where I select (I should put pictures up on my blog showing you how to do that, but, of course, I don't know how. Not knowing how to do something has never stopped me before so that will be covered here eventually.....until then I'll try my best to do a good job with my descriptions. )

From "start" I click on "documents" and then find "my pictures" in that drop-down menu. From "my pictures" I select my picture and click on it to bring it up.

3. On the left side of the page is a rectangle that has all the tools in it. (little pencils and hands and stuff) Go to the picture that has the letter "T" in it and click on it. The "T" stands for "text". (isn't Adobe clever?)

4. Next, decide where you want the text on your picture and click on the spot. This will cause the "Type Tool" box to open. You will have your choice of font, choice of the size and also the color. There are other boxes there too but I don't know what they are for or what they do. I was able to get the job completed without them so don't touch them and you'll be fine.

5. Select your font by choosing from the "font" box. I'm going with "Arial Rounded MT" for no particular reason other than it was already there and I don't object to it.

6. "Size" is next. Contrary to what you've heard, it does matter and it matters a lot. For this I'm using 200. It seems like that would make it huge but it really doesn't. You'll have to play here most likely until you get the size that works for your project. I'm just numbering my necklaces so I'm not going to get too picky. 200 it is.

7. "Color" seems like it would be a no-brainer but I once sent an email to a very talented and beautiful actress to let her know that the white font on the white tank top on her home page made the text impossible to read. I hoped that she would take it as helpful advice but the fact that she responded "mind your own business you blankety-blank-blank was both surprising and offensive. I really never saw that coming. She seems so nice on tv. It bummed me out for most of that day until the batch of cupcakes were ready. "Cake is the answer" is actually one of my motto's and has been quite the life-saver for me many times. My drivers ed test for example....I never could parallel park but I knew that my instructor's favorite cupcake was chocolate on yellow cake so.....passed with flying colors. I don't consider it bribing, just good listening skills...but I digress. Where were we? Oh yeah, color. Select a color that stands out from your background.

8. After you've made your selections, go to the top of the right side of your "Type Tool" box and click on "ok." If you find that the placement of the text isn't quite what you'd hoped for you can go to the right side of the photoshop page and midway down the right side look for "layers." On "layers" you'll see two thin, wide boxes, one says "background" and the other will have your text. You should be able to click on the one with your text to move the text, but, well "should" really shouldn't be a word because I could never get the damn thing to move, so instead, I click on the box with my text on it and then I click on the little trashcan and get rid of it and start over! A box will pop up that says "Delete (and then your text) layers?" Click "yes." If you have a ton of text you may want to save it so you can just put it back in there without having to retype it. Either that or totally rethink how much you think you need to say.

To do that: Left click all the text you want until it's all highlighted. Release the click and on your keyboard hit "Ctrl" and the key "C" together. You've now copied it. Then, after you've gotten rid of the offensive type and gotten it into the trashcan you can left click where you want the new text to go and hit "Ctrl" and "V" and it will be put where you want it.

9. Once I've added my text I crop and size my picture. (do you know how to crop and size? If you don't, hang here and I'll tell you how, if you do then skip this and go right to 10, you over-achiever you!)

To crop: Look on the left side at the top of the selection. On the top row, on the left, you will see a square that has choppy lines around it, click on that. Left click and drag the arrow around the picture, cutting out all the stuff you don't want in the picture. Take note ladies, perfect for those evenings out when, after a few drinks you start taking group shots and forget your lady manners. The whole crotch shot will zap that smile right off your face, but no problem, you know how to crop!

After you've made your shape selection, go to "image" and click on "crop." Done!

To size: Click on "image" and "image size" and a box opens up with lots of numbers. The only one I concern myself with (again going with the "if I don't know, I don't need" philosophy) is the "width." I put my number in there and if you have "constrain proportions" clicked, then the height will change right along with it. When you're happy with the size, click "ok."

10. Flatten Image: This is so important to do! Go to "layer" on your tool bar at the top of the page. It's right next to "image" where you just were working. Click on it and go down to "flatten image." Click on that and you're good to go! Well, almost...

11. One last thing! You have to save it:) You'd hate to do all that work and lose it, wouldn't ya? Well, you won't if you save it. (unless you forget the file you saved it to which is really frustrating and will make you nuts, so save it to something that makes sense to you.)

To save: Go to "file" on the tool bar" a few left of where you were just working. (nice how they place all of these together, isn't it?) click on it.

Go to "save as" and click on it. The "save as" box will come up and this is where you have to decide where you want to save your picture and how you want to title it. After you have made your selections and typed it your title, click "save."

A box called JPEG will pop up, just click "ok" and NOW you are good to go! I hope that makes sense! If not....there's always the computer guy....

Now, if you've stumbled across this and it helped you, will you please let me know by leaving a comment? It truely would be awesome to know that I'm not alone out here. If you read it and don't leave me a comment, it's ok, but I wish you would:) Til next time.....

Sweet dreams!


Saturday, June 12, 2010

Text in Pictures - It WILL happen!

Just a short note to my invisible followers.....I'm attempting to learn how to put text into my pictures so that my customers will have a better ordering experience.


Right now I have to list my designs individually and with all the designs I have, wowsa, that's going to take a long time! That's where text comes into the picture. I will be able to have "collections" which will be a page of similar designs separated by numbers so a customer can order by number instead of looking through pages of designs. Sounds great in concept, doesn't it?!

So, here's the thing.....I have a history of failing at all things computer so I really just wanted to make a public note of my intentions so incase I should end up dead, you will know what killed me. Of course, if no one is reading this then they won't know until the cops search my computer. Oh well, at least it will eventually clear my husband....

Off to the tutorials!

Friday, June 11, 2010

Watermelon, cantelope, Oreos and Otter Pops, that's all we really need!

It's Friday night, and I'm way behind on my promise to keep up with my blog. I did promise after-all. But life keeps getting in the way!

It's not you, dear reader, I do have someone that stumbles across my blog, I'm sure of it. Someone looking for a recipe or a tutorial on how to make a chicken coop is cursing my name because they've landed on me and what does my blog have to do with making a chicken coop anyway!?

Nothing, or everything, I'm not sure.

All I know is I just had to shave both of my dogs because no one else in the house seems to think that dogs require upkeep, but they do! They need to be brushed, bathed, nails clipped and teeth brushed. They are kind of like little people except they have tails and they stink when they get wet. So, I shaved them because their hair in spots like under their ears and on their tummies were matted and the thought of trying to "unmat" them was just too much to consider. The idea of course is that we're starting over. I've taken them down to their puppy suits and we've got nice, soft coats. Let's see how long it is before I have a title on my blog, something along the lines of "I can't believe I'm shaving these damn dogs again!"

And I'm also in charge of cutting up of watermelon and cantelope in my house. I only tell you this because I'm leading up to why I'm having a hard time keeping up with my blog. Everyone loves melon, LOVES it! We got through a watermelon and 2 cantelopes a week and could do much more but I only shop once a week and it's not in the budget to get more. It's funny though because the other day when I told my oldest son Ryan that we had to go shopping "for a few things" he said "watermelon, cantelope, Oreos and Otter Pops, that's all we really need." Oh, if it were really all we need. How wonderful life would be.

So, offical caretaker of all things dogs and in charge of the big knife, doesn't seem like a lot. If you're a mom reading this you KNOW it's just the tip of the iceberg. I'll spare you my "to do" list for fear of you thinking I'm trying to outdo you. We all have huge expectations placed on us if we are called "mom", "mommy" or anything like it by little ones, big ones, or even husbands. So, writing books and owning a business aside (I wasn't going to give you my "to do" list but then I did, see that, I went the other way like a line or two later, so fickle) life's full. So the blog sometimes gets pushed down a bit on the list. I'm sorry dear reader, or recipe searcher, or those in need of chicken coop tutorials.

I do have to tell you, if for nothing else than to make myself feel better, I have started several pages only to minimize it to "finish later" and the computer resets itself at 4 in the morning and I lose it all. Actually, I don't know if it makes me feel better about myself or shows that I'm not exactly the anal planner that I've always claimed to be. Self-disclosure, and so early in our relationship.

Anyway, I will end this blog if for no other reason than so I don't lose it to an update that Windows thinks I need but that I never find!

So, on this Friday night, I will sign off, grab a bowl full of melon before it's all gone and brush the dogs before the matting begins. Until next time.....